The power of the words we choose can radically alter our message and our effect upon others. If the others are children, our words and message takes an even more sensitive turn. Why? The answer lies in the intuitive makeup and unaltered antennae of the children themselves. They haven’t developed filters that change or otherwise pollute the effects and impact of politically correct verbiage. They speak what they see and what is true to to them, not what sounds expedient, polite or benign. Our verbal expressoin to children needs to be delivered concretely as well as with awareness of our unspoken feelings that accompany the words.
A friend and teacher colleague recently sent me a U-Tube video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzgzim5m7oU that I hope you will watch The video speaks to the value of our words, what they express and how they reflect our perspective. Interestingly, it is precisely that perspective that we deliver/portray that ultimately affects others – perhaps in ways that we might never have imagined. At some level we all know this truth. Today, however, I offer the challenge to take action upon this truth. By simply having an awareness of how your words are perceived, you can make a difference.
When we speak to children, we speak volumes by our attitudes and by the exactness of expression that we deliver. Do you think of this when you interact with your child(ren)? How clearly we would speak if we only retained this childlike quality all the days of our lives! However, that doesn’t happen. We grow, we are exposed to life and learn from our experiences – including those that cause us regret, remorse and pain. All good. However, life experience does not only change our words, it changes the feelings behind the words.
Are you willing to consider how you deliver your words, your expressions? Can such an action make a difference even in this time-pressed and demanding world that consumes us daily? Can we make a difference by our words? Have you done so – either with children or without?
Under the “Character Education” tab on the website of the Arizona Department of Education we can find the following paraphrased statement: In order to make the greatest impact on children today takes caring, consistant modeling of good character by adults and the presence of high expectations for all kids as well.
As we continue to reflect upon those character traits that lead us toward raising and teaching emotionally and mentally healthy children and responsible adults, we cannot leave out the trait of responsibility. This can also be called the “I feel great” trait because when kids learn this at a young age, they become empowered. This empowerment is positive because it leads to self-confidence and a sense of capability which opens the door to endless possibilities for a young person’s future.
Some ways that we can teach young people to be responsible at even preschool ages include these suggestions from www.goodcharacter.com:
- Keep promises. The story about how Peter cried “wolf” once too many times is a good example of what happens when we make promises that we either cannot or do not keep.
- Don’t blame, or make excuses. Take charge of what you do and your own life.
- Don’t rely on others to do what you can do yourself.
- Take care to not to talk about something that someone tells you in confidence. Let people know they can count on you.
- Use your own good sense before making a decision. Think things through before taking action.
- Don’t put things off. When you have a job to do, get it done as soon as possible.
Its important to talk with kids that being responsible does not only mean doing chores, but has a much larger scope. When they learn about all of the ways they can develop this trait and how it will make them “feel great,” they will be much more likely to seek out opportunities to show you how good they are at it.
But remember, adults must work ourselves at being responsibile to catch kids making a responsibile choice and reinforcing it by letting them know how proud it makes you to see them take such positive actions.
Can you think of a time the special kiddo in your life did something very responsible? Reinforce the actions of that young person. Tell us about it.
Character education is not the latest fad, but (our) . . . oldest mission.”
Kevin Ryan ~ Center for Ethics ~ Boston University
Last week we began our consideration of the Six Pillars of Character that will build values and help our kids know that we believe in them and that they truly can make a difference in the future. Recently Education Week, a national weekly education periodical, published a study in an article entitled, “Youth’s Lack of Values, Character Worries American Public.” The study revealed that the American public is anxious about what they see to be a crisis in the moral well-being of youth and teens. A full 61% of the adults surveyed said that young people are failing to learn respect, responsibility and honesty. In fact, only 37% believed that that children of today will make the U.S. a better place. What a desperate finding and even worse reality!
We CAN disprove this study and we can do so by teaching those values to our kids. With respect being such a strong pillar and one that provokes much concern in society today, we will concentrate our thinking on the value of modeling this attribute today. As adults, we must look for times to teach the character traits and values. Here are some golden moments to consider.
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Driving down the street – perhaps on the way to school – we see a chance to shoot ahead of another care or dash forward and beat out a pedestrian. If this happens to you …stop and allow someone to go ahead and make a point to let your child know what you are doing. Model, Model, Model!
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Saying please and thank you – nice reminders. Another study indicated that when someone responds to us with the words, “thank you,” certain muscles in our jaw automatically relaxes.
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Showing concern for those who have a disability that limits their physical, emotional or mental well-being.
At an annual Cub Scout event last weekend, my granddaughter ran off to a corner and began to cry, pointing her finger in the direction of a group of adults. As I looked toward the front row of the event, I noticed a man with a wooden leg. It was a warm day and he was wearing shorts, readily displaying the wooden connections and hinges that attached to the rest of his body. Being four years old, my little granddaughter had never seen anyone with a wooden leg before and she was frightened. (“He smiled at me and scared me,” she shouted between burying her head in my shoulder and sobbing.)
After comforting her and making her feel secure, I saw a perfect chance to explain how some people lose a leg or an arm because they fought in a war or became very sick. Of course, she wanted to know if that would happen to her. Assurances that she was safe and did not need to think about that possibility, the time was appropriate to develop respect for someone who was physically disabled. When she had more information, she stopped crying and became interested in the explanation.
Have you ever experienced an event or situation where you modeled the character trait of RESPECT to a child or a young person?