‘Twas Christmas morning and who appeared at the hearth? Four little kids and one fluffy Palomino-colored pup. The children rushed to the tree, seeing presents galore and anxiously await their parents arrival with the green light signal to open presents. The youngest, Maya, is nudged to tap on mom and dad’s door. While Nick, the oldest, smiles to see the empty plate and glass they had left for Santa. “He ate our cookies and drank the milk,” said the youngest, David. Beginning to read as a bright little first grader, Jacob sees the note under the plate. It said, “Before you open your gifts, you must take presents of blankets and coats to people who have nothing on this cold Christmas morning. Merry Christmas. Love, St. Nick.”
Dad and mom arrived on the scene to find gaping children. No one dared to touch a single present. Looking at the written directive, dad said, “We better get dressed. We have work to do.” “Where are we going?” said the children, eyes alit. Not so sure they wanted to go anywhere. “You saw Santa’s note,” said mom, “we better hurry.”
The family loaded into the van, while dad packed up the blankets, coats, scarves and, of course, cookies. Destination: downtown Phoenix. Arriving on the empty city streets on this atypical, below freezing morning, they found many homeless grateful folks who welcomed gifts of warmth and sweetness.
Although the traditional Christmas and holiday season is past, these parents wanted their children to learn generosity and caring for others – especially those who had less. Beyond their vision, they taught their children how it should be done by doing. If we want ourchildren to learn, they need to be shown and then to practice that activity.
On the way back home that Christmas morning, the parents talked about what they had done and praised their children for caring and giving to others before they thought of themselves. Praise and recognition for doing what is expected is also an important part of teaching.
Do you have a story about having a vision for your kids? How/when have you modeled the value and then taught how it should be done? Do you regularly practice the habits you want your children to develop? It can even be something simple like saying “please” and “thank you.” Please share your successes and strategies with our readers.
Set the Stage for Your VISIONLast week you created a VISION PLAN for at least three areas of how the special kid(s) in your life will look. Maybe you took even greater leaps and stepped out of the self-relationships-career box. It is good that several days have elapsed because you have had time to consider, reflect and review. You may have added or changed your descriptors after additional consideration. Those descriptive jottings you created may have rushed forth like thunderbolts, or maybe your vision descriptors oozed like amber honey, savoring each droplet as it rooted into your consciousness. However, you developed your thoughts in each category of your VISION, it is great, because you now have a concrete image of what you want that child to look like as an adult. As significant adults in the lives of children, it is our job to develop the qualities we want them to possess as adults. How can we do that if we have not given it serious thought? You have taken the first major step along this journey to show and activate your belief in your kiddo.
Your next step is to show the child how to reach for the stars you have sprinkled along her/his path toward the future. This is accomplished first and foremost by your example. Kids watch and listen, even when we don’t think they are watching us and listening to us. The old adage of “do as I say and not as I do” just doesn’t work. If I value the quality of love and want my child to grow up to be loving, I will need to show that quality by giving my time, energy and attention to that child. Of course, this is an easy value, because parents, teachers and adults all love their special kid. However, what about the quality of sharing under the relationship category? Perhaps that was a descriptor that you identified on your VISION PLAN. If I want my child to grow up to learn how to get along with others, how will I role model this trait? You likely have many examples, such as giving to others of abundance, resources and time. Perhaps you will model examples of taking turns and making sure everyone has a chance to be a part of a discussion, planning an outing, or giving their viewpoint.
Maybe you want your child to learn how to value and manage money – under self. How will you model that trait? Perhaps under the area of career, you want your child to attend college. What will you do now, even if he/she is a toddler, to create that image for the future? Will you cheer on your alma mater? Will your child see photos and learn the colors of your shcool? Later will you take your child to visit your college/university, or a local one?
I know you are getting the picture. Now, go back to your VISION PLAN sheet and write down one action under each descriptor that you can do immediately to begin to model the outcome for that very special child. Keep that sheet in a handy spot. You may even want to make a second copy to look at during the day or when you are away from home. The mere act of consciously attending to the qualities you have listed under each category and the actions you can take will propel you in the direction to set an example and set the stage.
Will you share your VISION PLAN, or parts of it with our readers? We are in this role modeling job together and you all have so many rich ideas and experiences. Did you stick with the three areas of self, relationships and career, or did you venture beyond these major areas? Do you think this activity will be helpful in showing your special kid how important he/she is? Thank you for stopping by and for your thoughts.
Over book-talk and coffee with a friend this week, I learned about a documentary being featured in selected locations throughout the U.S. The film is called “Race to Nowhere,” initiated, compiled and directed by Vicki Abeles, a parent and a concerned citizen.
Film excerpts as well as more information are available online at www.racetonowhere.com The film is featured at select locations (four or five dozen strong) throughout the country. The website offers a plethora of tips on how every member of society can help reduce the stress and anxiety experienced by our youth today. Valid suggestions that all can and should consider.
The problem with this documentary, however, is that it doesn’t address the real crux of the youth burnout in the U.S. The basic premise of “Race to Nowhere” is that all educational institutions – public, private, charter – are responsible for the demise of childhood in our country. According to the online film trailer and text, the SCHOOLS in our country are at fault. The schools are expecting too much, pressuring kids, and creating competitive environments. Additionally, proponents do not believe schools should pressure students with tests, nor challenge their sense of self-esteem by emphasizing academic achievement and success.
“Race to Nowhere” ignores the totality of our culture, families, economics, norms, global demands. It isolates one small component of our place on the planet as the singular cause for stressed youngsters – U.S. educational institutions. Friends, our schools can always improve and they are not perfect. Yet, there is no country in the world that offers the freedom to learn and grow for ALL with the vision of a brighter future than the U.S. The doors of American schools are open and provide equal opportunity for every child.
There is a destination and there is a finish line. It is up to all of us to nurture and model appropriate values for our young people. Our society as a whole will reap the benefits or suffer the consequences as a result. As the African proverb reminds us, “…it takes an entire village to raise but one child.” The only race to nowhere is if we place the blame on our schools without taking personal responsibility to raise and nurture our children as parents and as a society.
What do you think? Are American schools to blame for stress disorders in our youth? Are schools too demanding? What are your experiences on this topic?
Please take a few moments to share your thoughts and thank you for stopping by.
Like the balloons on this page, it has taken me a couple of years to float back into a new and much different routine after leaving thirty + years as a teacher and a school principal in three states. As a teacher and a school principal my days were long and scheduled.
No mistake, I am loving the opportunities that lay in my path in the autumn of my life and feel blessed. Yet, a compelling urge to shout to the clouds the gems that I learned from the experiences that came my way about what it takes to grow a great kid has become very powerful. The lives of kids depend upon it. Every adult should be aware of what it takes to grow a great kid because it is not always intuitive. The proverbial instructions do not come attached to the umbilical cord.
During my career, I worked in schools that served students and families from communities that were in grave economic need. I also taught and lead schools that were in affluent neighborhoods . . . and many in between. Throughout those years, one theme has always hung true and strong: HIGH EXPECTATIONS MAKE A DIFFERENCE. When we know and show our children that they can be successful, without exception, the results are remarkable. In my new blog that will appear twice weekly, you will discover ideas, suggestions and action steps that adults can take to make a difference in the lives of young people. You can have a powerful impact on the future by starting with our most precious resource, our children.
I hope you will be a regular visitor and perhaps share your stories if you are so inclined. Together, we can build a better world – even if it is just one kid – your kid, your student, a relative, a neighbor – at a time.
“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove, but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” ~ anonymous ~
WELCOME TO I BELIEVE IN YOU!