Every New Year’s Eve my husband and I share our goals for the new year to come. “What are your New Year’s resolutions?” we ask each other. In fact the question has gone beyond private hubby and wife conversation to common party chatter and social gatherings in late December and early January. Now we are in the month of February, and we have either fallen off the goal-directed path or forgotten what we said we had planned to do anyway.
Why does this bad thing happen to well-intended, good people? Perhaps we are groping in the dark with a walking stick, trying to embark upon that direct path that will take us to our destination. However, good intentions alone will not lead us to our goal — our end result. Having a VISION along with that specific S.M.A.R.T. goal will help us to achieve and be effective adults in the lives of children (and in our own personal decisions as well).
Looking at last week’s goal of building a responsible child, our VISION of what a responsible child looks like will help keep us on our goal tract. Being able to visualize the end result will bring success in achieving this goal – any goal. When you visualize what a responsible child looks like, what are the qualities you might expect to see, both in the short term and many years ahead?
On Friday we will create the rest of the ACTION PLAN you are building for your special kiddo. Do you think having a VISION of what the goal outcome will look like help you to achieve your goal(s)? Have you ever used this strategy in the past? What examples of developing a VISION and goals to meet that mental picture have helped you in your child-rearing, teaching, grand parenting or even your own personal life?
These steps can lead to success! I can show you how…
“The way to make learning a lesson-a celebration instead of a cause for regret- it to ask: How can I put this to use tomorrow?” ~ by author, Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards ~
Today I will offer you a format to develop your “ACTION PLAN” to segment your kid VISION into specific daily/weekly steps. Through a specific plan of action, you can truly see the effect of your vision, the role modeling and the teaching you do on a regular basis. When we receive feedback on our performance – both personally and professionally – we feel successful. When we see concrete results, our confidence develops and we begin to see how we truly can make those dreams for the future you are creating come true. Developing an ACTION PLAN proves that we not only believe in kids, but believe we can truly make a difference in the outcome of building great adults. And, its easy to do!
In your VISION statement, you wrote about how you envision your child in various categories as an adult. You may have developed a VISION about a professional career, their societal role in ten years, or even how they might select the right marriage partner. In order to successfully achieve the VISION, the next step is writing an “ACTION PLAN.” Your plan should have four categories: the GOAL, ACTION, DATE ACHIEVED, EVIDENCE. To write your first GOAL, you will be most successful if you follow the S.M.A.R.T. goal-setting format. The letters S.M.A.R.T. stand for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-centered.
How to Write S.M.A.R.T. Goals
GOAL: My child will learn responsibility commitments by feeding the dog after dinner without being reminded, following performing this task with me daily for three weeks .
Specific: We know exactly what the child is expected to do to attain the goal that is directed toward the VISION.
Measureable: We know the measurable degree to which the expectation has been set – daily.
Attainable: We know that this is a task a child can most likely complete with ease.
Realistic: Is the daily expectation realistic? Yes, the dog needs to eat daily and the adult will model how this is done.
Time-centered: The parent has a plan to model and provide practice to build the habit of feeding the dog.
Now, write your GOAL(S). On Friday we will move on to the other categories. Did you enjoy writing your goal(s)? Was it difficult? Did you find that you changed your goal writing after you began to consider the S.M.A.R.T. attributes? If you would like feedback on your goal or would like to share with our readers, please feel free to do so. See you Friday with more on this important process.
‘Twas Christmas morning and who appeared at the hearth? Four little kids and one fluffy Palomino-colored pup. The children rushed to the tree, seeing presents galore and anxiously await their parents arrival with the green light signal to open presents. The youngest, Maya, is nudged to tap on mom and dad’s door. While Nick, the oldest, smiles to see the empty plate and glass they had left for Santa. “He ate our cookies and drank the milk,” said the youngest, David. Beginning to read as a bright little first grader, Jacob sees the note under the plate. It said, “Before you open your gifts, you must take presents of blankets and coats to people who have nothing on this cold Christmas morning. Merry Christmas. Love, St. Nick.”
Dad and mom arrived on the scene to find gaping children. No one dared to touch a single present. Looking at the written directive, dad said, “We better get dressed. We have work to do.” “Where are we going?” said the children, eyes alit. Not so sure they wanted to go anywhere. “You saw Santa’s note,” said mom, “we better hurry.”
The family loaded into the van, while dad packed up the blankets, coats, scarves and, of course, cookies. Destination: downtown Phoenix. Arriving on the empty city streets on this atypical, below freezing morning, they found many homeless grateful folks who welcomed gifts of warmth and sweetness.
Although the traditional Christmas and holiday season is past, these parents wanted their children to learn generosity and caring for others – especially those who had less. Beyond their vision, they taught their children how it should be done by doing. If we want ourchildren to learn, they need to be shown and then to practice that activity.
On the way back home that Christmas morning, the parents talked about what they had done and praised their children for caring and giving to others before they thought of themselves. Praise and recognition for doing what is expected is also an important part of teaching.
Do you have a story about having a vision for your kids? How/when have you modeled the value and then taught how it should be done? Do you regularly practice the habits you want your children to develop? It can even be something simple like saying “please” and “thank you.” Please share your successes and strategies with our readers.
Set the Stage for Your VISIONLast week you created a VISION PLAN for at least three areas of how the special kid(s) in your life will look. Maybe you took even greater leaps and stepped out of the self-relationships-career box. It is good that several days have elapsed because you have had time to consider, reflect and review. You may have added or changed your descriptors after additional consideration. Those descriptive jottings you created may have rushed forth like thunderbolts, or maybe your vision descriptors oozed like amber honey, savoring each droplet as it rooted into your consciousness. However, you developed your thoughts in each category of your VISION, it is great, because you now have a concrete image of what you want that child to look like as an adult. As significant adults in the lives of children, it is our job to develop the qualities we want them to possess as adults. How can we do that if we have not given it serious thought? You have taken the first major step along this journey to show and activate your belief in your kiddo.
Your next step is to show the child how to reach for the stars you have sprinkled along her/his path toward the future. This is accomplished first and foremost by your example. Kids watch and listen, even when we don’t think they are watching us and listening to us. The old adage of “do as I say and not as I do” just doesn’t work. If I value the quality of love and want my child to grow up to be loving, I will need to show that quality by giving my time, energy and attention to that child. Of course, this is an easy value, because parents, teachers and adults all love their special kid. However, what about the quality of sharing under the relationship category? Perhaps that was a descriptor that you identified on your VISION PLAN. If I want my child to grow up to learn how to get along with others, how will I role model this trait? You likely have many examples, such as giving to others of abundance, resources and time. Perhaps you will model examples of taking turns and making sure everyone has a chance to be a part of a discussion, planning an outing, or giving their viewpoint.
Maybe you want your child to learn how to value and manage money – under self. How will you model that trait? Perhaps under the area of career, you want your child to attend college. What will you do now, even if he/she is a toddler, to create that image for the future? Will you cheer on your alma mater? Will your child see photos and learn the colors of your shcool? Later will you take your child to visit your college/university, or a local one?
I know you are getting the picture. Now, go back to your VISION PLAN sheet and write down one action under each descriptor that you can do immediately to begin to model the outcome for that very special child. Keep that sheet in a handy spot. You may even want to make a second copy to look at during the day or when you are away from home. The mere act of consciously attending to the qualities you have listed under each category and the actions you can take will propel you in the direction to set an example and set the stage.
Will you share your VISION PLAN, or parts of it with our readers? We are in this role modeling job together and you all have so many rich ideas and experiences. Did you stick with the three areas of self, relationships and career, or did you venture beyond these major areas? Do you think this activity will be helpful in showing your special kid how important he/she is? Thank you for stopping by and for your thoughts.
Looking to the FutureYou are here because you want to make the future the best it can be through hope and high expectations for youth – yours or someone else’s. HOPE does spring eternal when adults reflect their expectation for moral strength, success and responsibility. All kids are capable of success given the right set of circumstances. We have nothing to lose if we expect the best, while so much is at stake if we don’t.
First and foremost, parents hold the top spot in the pyramid when it comes to influencing their children. A strong parent is a golden thread to the future of every child and our nation. Along with strong parents, kids also need significant other adults in their young lives. In many cases, as recently identified by Jennifer’s blog comment last week, a significant other adult is all some children may have. Families are often greatly stressed in today’s world and structures may deteriorate.
Our kids, however, are always watching, and listening to more than we may realize. So our job, especially as parents, as well as other significant adults, is to create a VISION of what we expect of our children in the future.
Here are a few tips on how to navigate the vision-building journey that may help you to set the stage for the future and be a KID-HERO. Take a blank piece of paper and entitle it, “Kid Vision.” This can be done by any significant adult in the life of a young person. In the first column list the following categories: (1) young person, (2) others, and (3) life’s work/career. You may rename these categories or add a few more, depending on your sphere of influence. This is a working copy, a brainstorming sheet, and is not set in stone.
In the second column on your page, list the OUTCOME of your dream for this child in each of the categories. Teachers, mentors and family members can easily do this exercise as well. Dream big and make sure your expectations raise the bar. Put your paper aside and look at it again in a day or two to see if you have touched the key components of your dream for your special kid.
Congratulations! You have begun a very valuable and significant journey. If you can see it, you can do it. It would be great if you could share your kid dream or experiences with VISION BUILDING.
These steps can lead to success! I can show you how…
